im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
