Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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