Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
