So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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