We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
