OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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