Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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