Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
