You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
