I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
