She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it hurts more in the daytime
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
