he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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