I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
