The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
