If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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