Even water is tasting like jack daniels
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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