he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
