I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
