Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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