I need help removing her.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
