And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
