yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
