you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
