the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
