just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
