He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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