i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
how drunk are you?
Several
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
