You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
