No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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