This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
