this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
