I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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