tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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