My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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