woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
