IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
