he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just blew my weed a kiss
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
