tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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