he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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