I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
