I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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