Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
