Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
