I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
