Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
