I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
