I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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