Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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