no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
