I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
