im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
