we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
